F is for Fuck (Love, K)

So in our post-NYE haze M and I decided that we need some inspiration for posts. Aside from a recent *ahem* issue with Henry Kissinger, I was feeling fairly rootless. We came up with the idea, then, of just picking a random word based on a beginning letter and expounding on said topic. Well M gave me “F,” and so I now bring to you an entry I’m incredibly excited about –

F is for Fuck

I may or may not have mentioned I’m originally from Jersey (I’m too lazy to read old posts to figure out if I have), but this fact may or may not explain my love affair with this word. It’s actually not an affair, it’s a full-on relationship. This relationship precedes the current one with Boyfriend, and will endure much beyond. I love the word fuck. You have no idea how much I love it. I use it daily, at least about 20 times. Not necessarily always out loud, usually in all places (public and private) and sometimes just to myself no-so-quietly on the Metro.

I know there have been books written on this, so it’s not particularly insightful, but I’m trying to explain this from my perspective. Comedians are always commenting on the linguistic and syntactic flexibility of the word fuck. It can be so many different parts of speech.

Noun – Gilbert Arenas is a dumb fuck.

Proper noun – For Fuck’s sake.

Verb (trans) – Fuck this weather.

Verb (intrans) – Fuck off.

Adjective – I hate this fucking weather.

Preposition – Well, change this to “proposition” and there you go. If you think of an example that doesn’t read “fuckly,” let me know. Although fuckly works, too.

Moderately intelligible – fuckity fucking fuck fuck.

Inset – Un-fucking-believable

Multiple uses – Oh fuck you, I seriously fucking hate this fucking assignment and it pisses the fuck out of me that you think I should fucking drop every other fucking thing I’m doing to work on this piece of fucking shit right now. (Can you tell the kind of day I’m having at work?)

Did I mention that MS Word is recognizing fuck as a proper word, fuckly and fuckity as not words, and “fuck fuck” as containing a repeated work? Thanks, software developers, for being realistic. Although, you fucking assholes, heteronomative is a fucking word, thank you very fucking much. You know how fucking obnoxious it is to have all of your fucking papers redlined all the fucking time? It’s really fucking distracting.

The beauty of this word, however, really lies in its power. It can mean nothing, and it can mean everything. It can be sexy, it can be dangerous. You can say it lovingly, you can say it lustfully. You can say it angrily, tiredly, sadly. You can use it while depressed or bored or irritated. It can be offensive, or it can be just another word. It can be a beautiful word, and it can be a harsh word. You can emphasize it or slur it (“Ahhh, fer’ ‘fuckssake…”). It’s thrilling, it’s shocking, it’s normal. If you’re like me, and/or have longtime friends like me, it’s just a favorite element of casual parlance. This upsets Boyfriend for reasons beyond my understanding. Honestly, it also seemed to mildly shock some of my sorority sisters. But that’s because these people refuse to recognize the gorgeous flexibility of this word. It doesn’t have to be shocking. It should only be shocking if you mean it to be. It’s so fucking amazing. If you’re a master linguist or a smooth talker, fuck can mean anything and everything. It’s a really fucking awesome word.

I’ll admit, in some moments, I catch myself having an uncommon sensitivity to the word in my speech. This usually occurs at work. There are, of course, times when a rational person recognizes these words need to be used carefully (a lesson my brother has not yet learned, to my immense scorn) I have accidently said that word in front of someone I work for (a person in front of whom I should not have been saying that word), and like a pussy I blushed. (Fuck me.)

Normally, however, I’m almost always perfect at it, and I really do think my execution is great. It just rolls off my tongue. It never really feels like I’m cursing, and if you spend enough time around me you’ll start to see it as just a speech pattern, too. As far as I’m concerned, it’s used primarily for purposes of emphasis or qualification. It indicates degree of severity, or shittiness of situation. It can also just be a one-off, like “oh, fuck this,” that doesn’t really mean much except I kind of don’t like whatever it is I’m referring to.

For those of you who spend time thinking about intonation and phonetics, you’ll recognize that fuck is partially considered offensive because it’s a harsh sounding word. It’s a short word, a hard ending, one vowel. It’s quick and it’s dirty and it’s rough. I really like that about it, because it gives you that impression of power on a whole other level. Words always have power, of course, and words that our culture shuffles to the category of “curses” have an entire other level of power. Words that have the added benefit of sounding like this have even more. It’s intoxicating, it’s exhilarating.

I fucking love fuck. I fucking love this fucking word.